I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
