My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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