This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
