I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
