Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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