I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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