i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
