Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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