I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
