my mouth tastes like poor choices
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
