Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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