whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
