I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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