I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
two words: eviction party
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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