It's like God shit irony all over that family
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
