I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
