i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
