I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
