How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
