Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
