i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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