the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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