dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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