Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
