Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I will be naked everywhere
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
