I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
