so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
