I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
