I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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