I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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