you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
