i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
