oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
