I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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