My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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