i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
