Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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