She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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