I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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