I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
