I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize