Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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