I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
