His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
