all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
