chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize