Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
