You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
