Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
