Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
