i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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