so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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