I have demons in me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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