Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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