what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
