my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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