The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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