Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
