Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
