well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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