so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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