So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
