he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
