This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
