My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
