There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
