shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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