mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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