its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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