I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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