What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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