Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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