He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
