I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
