Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
