so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
