dude i'm inner monologue high
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
